Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
