why do cheetos always look like penises
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This toilet bowl is my home.
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