Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
