If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
