hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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