I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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