I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
