i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
