just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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