Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
