I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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