I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
