i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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