Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
