covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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