is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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