Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
