Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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