its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
