Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
