1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he shaved USA in his pubs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We left the knife in your bed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
