Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How does one acquire holy water?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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