They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
