i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
