Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
