my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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