are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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