sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
