youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
