dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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