yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize