he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
