What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's always time for handjobs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
