Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
