I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
