I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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