when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
