You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
