...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
