i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
