I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
