I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like eating out sand paper
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
