Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
