Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
