i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
