So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
