yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
