shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
