if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
