I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Panties = found
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