This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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