So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
