When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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