Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
