Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
