This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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