no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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