yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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