1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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