Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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