just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
