You can't motorboat a personality
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize