1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hippo gnu deer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
