I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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