I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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